I felt like dying today.
I go to work, I workout, I go home. Rinse & Repeat. I see friends and celebrate their accomplishments and births and, am encouraged to be this happy. Happiness is a fleeting mistress whose favorite entities worship her and leave offerings for her neverending abundance however, she's a cruel mistress whose trickery begins and ends with your worship.
I feel like dying today.
I feel like nothing I do makes meaning matter or matter with meaning and only produces more of the same even though my thoughts and desires scream like a banshee running out of hell with gasoline drawls on. Being human has lost its luster after the tragedy of the apocalypse yet no one addresses it as such inhaling smoke looking through mirrors capturing glimpses of a time once had now nostalgically cherished.
Possibilities are not endless.
Everything now has a price.
Being authentic for likes.
Living your best life depends on whose life you are living.
And, no matter what feelings emotions thoughts experiences had to the previous, will only matter if you happened to share it on social media where fake is real and real can be argued as fake.
I feel like dying today because what's the point of going on if on means you sell your existence to the highest bidder for the best view you will never get to see? All the hard work was for not? All the learning meant what? Sharing it with someone has too passed with a thunderous clap reverberating the souls of past in deconstructed precision. So, now what?!?!
I feel like dying because it's the next evolution to this plegerised theatrical cosmic boot camp. No one gets out alive. No one takes their toys with them. I feel like this waking dreamstate holds misery at the gate for more. Falling into a recognized love affair may not be all the bad they make it to be yet somehow I still feel it's comfort. And, when I sleep…my real life takes place.