Out into the sunshine we go to observe nature. I, standing against a white building receiving pleasurable heat simultaneously whips of cool winds dancing around my already chilly delicate’s, I stood before the Madrona trees swaying in the summer breeze igniting the afternoon. Wanted to take a stroll around the campus yet I brought the wrong sweater to comfort my shoulders in this morning air, so I sequestered myself to the warm spot against the white building. While toasting, I witnessed a man walking his dog, whose family member’s excitement gave me pause. As soon as my body pricked with fear of allergies attacking, the dog and the man arrived within the proximation of my delightful sun soak. I heard the man say to the dog, “Everyone doesn’t want to be your friend, you’re going to have to learn that”, and with a tiny tug on the string, the dog obeyed and followed. How apropos. Upon settling and soothing my buns on the white brick building, salaciously beaming with heat, I looked out into nature making several discoveries; Nature has been telling me this for years.
In my “Ah-Ha” moment pondering all the times I have ignored this understanding, I noticed a woman walking towards a tree to sit on its trunk in the grass, my body began to convulse, naturally, itching just by watching the torture-envy of her delights sitting in nature while I’m over here cursing my seasonal allergies. Another woman was energetically entangled in an illicit love affair with a tree touching its leaves lightly as would a lover do if said person was a person and that person had a face to be held in the way her hand suggested softness each time she touched a leave, a branch, and the trunk. I watched as she flung her limbs around its limbs embracing the trunk, placing her lips to its hide, brushing her cheek against its brown outer shell. The bushes and flowers hid their faces in the sunlight’s shadow pretending not to invite themselves to watch the lude display of arbor exhibitionism.
Recalling, “Not everyone wants to be your friend, you are going to have to learn that”; Trees swaying in the wind picking up pollen as a delivery service to my seasonal allergies exploding all over my vacation from Bon Tempts to Benadryl hallucinations. This is how nature laughs at my proposal to friendship, challenging my weak spots to keep me on my toes. She’s playful.
“Not everyone wants to be your friend”, is a good reminder and a bad teacher yet it would be good of me to remember as my examples in life are plentiful. I am allergic to grass, animals, certain combinations of fruit, certain proteins, pollen, dust, bullshit, and nature; nature keeps tabs on our challenging relationship. The wisdom a man and his dog brought a lesson ingrained also overlooked to its relentless reminders on how much everyone does not want to be my friend and it would behoove me to ingest the idea. 46 summers on this rock and no acceptance to be had thus far. I surround myself with nature, her poetry arrests my artist imagination through dance, music and writing proving I am worthy. I get to smell these flowers w/o sneezing. I am entitled as everyone else is entitled to roll in grass frolicking with glee. But nature says no,” Not everyone wants to be your friend, you are going to have to learn that”, someday.
I said (in a teenager’s voice) “FINE”! I’ll like you from afar, secretly while trying my hand with humans. Shakes head. Prepares for challenge. Baby-steps, not like before. As I stumble in social settings learning the rhythm, the language, the timing of jokes, the subtleties, the gestures, and the silence in-between which are sometimes the most important parts of humaning, I noticed…
“Not everyone wants to be my friend, you are going to have to learn that”!
Ever so true! In climates, such as our country, filled with humans imbued with archaic ideas, unpleasant family history bleeding out like a cancer. Performative solidarity. Work-place hierarchy climbing the corporate ladder towards someone else’s climax. (Must look the part) Even more true for Mom’s expecting vs Mom’s forced. True to being a woman, a black woman, a black divorced woman, a black divorced woman without children, a black divorced woman without children living alone working multiple occupations barely surviving and holding on to the tiniest bits of sanity.
“Not everyone wants to be your friend, you are going to have to learn that”, to which I say,” I am not here to bed liked, it is a bonus that you do”.